The Summer of 1996
by WallWatcher33
Summary: Remus blames Harry for Sirius's death. What happens when Harry attempts suicide? Will Remus see the truth? Will Harry survive?
1. The Beginning

**The Summer of 1996  
>By: Accalia Silvermoon<strong>

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter! If I did, Remus would have married Harry instead of Nymphadora Tonks!**

Chapter One: The Beginning

Remus Lupin slammed his fist into his bedroom wall. He still couldn't believe that he had lost his best friend.  
>He was all alone now. There was nothing left. No hope, no light, nothing. "Why, why, why?", Remus screamed, still punching the wall. "Why did you have to leave? WHY?"<br>Remus continued to scream until his voice broke and he slid to the floor, his mind growing numb.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the door, jerking Remus back into reality.  
>Opening it, Remus was met with the face of Arthur Weasley.<br>"What is it, Arthur?", Remus asked a bit rudely Arthur blinked at the werewolf's tone.  
>"Er...yesterday, we went to get Harry from the Dursleys, and we were wondering, since we are leaving for Romania in an hour, and the other Order members are all on missions, can Harry stay here with you for the rest of the summer?"<br>Remus nodded dully. "Yeah, sure. Whatever."  
>With that, Remus accompanied Arthur downstairs to the kitchen fireplace and watched as he left in a rush of green flames.<p>

Remus's head spun. 'Harry is going to stay here. Harry, the reason that Sirius died.'  
>"Remus?", a small, hesitant voice spoke from behind him.<br>Remus stiffened, gritting his teeth, before turning around and glaring at Harry.  
>"You can sleep in the same room as last year!", he said coldly.<br>"Oh yeah, right...", Harry said in a small voice. "Erm...I'll just go then."  
>Turning, Harry slowly headed upstairs with his rucksack, his shoulders drooping.<p> 


	2. Harry's Fault

Chapter Two: Harry's Fault

It had been three days since Harry had arrived at Grimmauld Place.  
>In those three days, Remus didn't even look at Harry, let alone talk to him.<br>Harry was currently standing in the hall, barely two inches away from Remus's bedroom door.  
>Harry was still blaming himself enormously for Sirius's death and needed to talk to someone who missed Sirius as much as he did,<br>someone who felt the same intense hole in their heart that Harry felt.

Harry knew that both Remus and Tonks missed Sirius, but Tonks wasn't as close to Sirius as Harry was.  
>Remus, however, was. Which meant that Remus was the one Harry needed to talk to.<br>Raising his hand, Harry hesitantly knocked on Remus's door.  
>"Come in!", Remus's voice said dully.<br>Harry pushed open the door and entered the room.

Sitting down on the floor, Harry struggled for words.  
>A minute ago, he'd had so much to tell, but now, he didn't know what to say.<br>Remus cleared his throat impatiently.  
>"Remus, I miss him!", Harry finally managed to say.<br>Remus raised an eyebrow.  
>"I was so stupid...Hermione warned me that it could be a trap, but I ignored her...It is my fault that Sirius died!", Harry burst out.<p>

"Yes, it is!", Remus spat coldly. Harry flinched at Remus's words, his emerald eyes filled with hurt.  
>"Thinking after acting never really works. Your guilt, however, cannot change the fact that he is dead.<br>Intentionally or unintentionally. It doesn't matter. However, I don't believe that you'll ever change.  
>People you get close to die a bit sooner, leaving behind the ones who truly cared.<br>But you will continue to be 'The Chosen One', acting according to your will and your will alone.  
>Well you know what, Harry? I hate you and I wish you had died instead of Sirius!"<br>Remus finished talking and glared at Harry, his eyes filled with anger and loathing.  
>Then he turned around and stormed out of the room.<p>

As the door slammed shut, Harry just sat there, tears slowly falling down his cheeks.  
>He couldn't believe that Remus had just said that to him.<br>True, he had been blaming himself for Sirius's death, but a small part of him had stubbornly refused to listen to the rest of his mind.  
>But if Remus said that Sirius's death was Harry's fault, then it had to be true.<p>

Suddenly, Harry had an idea. He couldn't go back in time and trade places with Sirius, but he could kill himself.  
>That way, Harry wouldn't have to deal with his guilt and Remus could be happy.<br>Smiling slightly for the first time since Sirius's death a month ago, Harry slowly stood up and left the room.


	3. Goodbye Remus

Chapter Three: Goodbye Remus

Harry sat on the floor of his bedroom at Number 12 Grimmauld Place, his back leaning against the side of his bed.  
>In his right hand, he held a jagged piece of glass to his wrist. The glass had once been part of the mirror that Sirius had given Harry right before he'd returned to Hogwarts after Christmas. Lying on the floor next to Harry was a letter to Remus.<p>

Staring down at the shard of glass clutched in his fist, Harry smiled softly.  
>All he had to do was cut deep enough into his wrist and he would see Sirius again.<br>And Remus would be happy. With that thought, Harry raised the shard and violently slashed it across his wrist.

Instantly, blood begain to pour out from the wound.  
>Transferring the glass to his left hand, Harry again raised the shard and slashed his other wrist.<br>As the blood poured out from the fatal-looking wounds, Harry's vision began to dim as he sagged against the bed.  
>Using the last of his remaining strength, Harry grabbed the letter that lay next to him and placed it in his lap.<br>Harry was now too weak to keep his eyes open any longer.  
>Slowly, Harry slumped sideways onto the floor, his eyes drifting closed.<br>His last thought as he sank into darkness was 'Goodbye Remus!'


	4. Finding Harry

Chapter Four: Finding Harry

Remus headed upstairs to his room. It had been a few hours since his talk with Harry, and Remus was deeply regretting his harsh words.  
>The werewolf hadn't felt this guilty since Harry's third year right after the 'Harry &amp; Marauders MapSeverus Snape' incident.

Ever since Harry was born, Remus had thought of the boy as his cub.  
>The boy's first word had been "Mooey", for Merlin's sake. Harry was his whole world and it killed Remus to think about something bad happening to Harry.<br>That was why he had reacted so badly that time in Harry's third year.  
>That was also why he had agreed to go after Harry when the boy had gone to the Ministry to rescue Sirius.<br>The only reason that Remus hadn't been named as Harry's second Godfather was because of that stupid Ministry law about Werewolves and children.  
>If it wasn''t for that law, Harry would have had two Godfathers instead of just one and Remus could have adopted Harry after James and Lily were killed.<br>Of course, that didn't stop Remus from sending in an adoption application every month for the first six years after James and Lily died.  
>He had only stopped there because the Ministry had threatened to arrest him for harrassment if he continued.<p>

Regardless of what he had said and thought, Remus knew in his heart that Sirius's death wasn't Harry's fault. He was just upset over Sirius and needed someone to yell at. And unfortunately for Harry, the boy just happened to be at the Department of Mysteries at the time, which made him an easy target..  
>Reaching the top of the stairs, Remus mentally vowed to apologize to Harry the next time he saw the boy.<p>

As he walked past Harry's door, he stoppped suddenly. His nose twitched. That smell...what was it? He recognized it, but it had been so long...it was hard to remember. Then it clicked. Remus's eyes widened and his face paled. Blood. He was smelling blood.  
>Glancing down, he saw a steady stream of blood flowing from underneath Harry's door Shoving the door open, the werewolf's eyes were met with a horrifying sight.<p>

Harry lay motionless on the floor completely covered in blood.  
>The boy's normally sparkling emerald eyes were glassy and emotionless.<br>The smallest hint of a smile could be seen on his lips.

Remus was frozen in horror.  
>His last words to Harry floated through his brain.<br>"I hate you and I wish you had died instead of Sirius!"

Remus couldn't believe it.  
>Harry had done this. This. Because of him.<br>As he stood there, only one thought ran through his mind.  
>'This is all my fault!'<p>

Memories began swirling rapidly through his head.  
>A frightened and confused boy collapsing on the Hogwarts Express, a stag patronus shooting out of a wand tip,<br>an enraged-looking boy in the Shrieking Shack.  
>Harry. A boy who wasn't even sixteen, yet had already seen things that nobody should ever have to see.<br>This last thought jerked Remus out of his memories.

"HARRY!", Remus screamed in panic. He raced across the room to where Harry lay in a large and rapidly spreading pool of his own blood.  
>Collapsing to his knees beside the limp form, Remus pulled the boy's head into his lap.<br>"Harry, wake up! Come on, Cub. Please wake up!", the werewolf begged, desperately shaking Harry's shoulder.  
>But Harry remained lifeless, his head lolling to one side.<p>

Remus laid his ear against Harry's slightly open mouth to check for breath.  
>A second later, he sobbed in relief. Harry's breathing was very faint and could stop at any second, but it was there, nevertheless.<br>Quickly, Remus stood up, cradling Harry in his arms, and ran to his bedroom.

Depositing Harry onto the large bed, Remus ran around the room, grabbing several vials of dittany, murtlap essence, and wormwood solution.  
>Returning to Harry's side, Remus quickly cleaned the wounds on the boy's wrists with wormwood solution before casting a blood-clotting spell.<br>Then, he gently applied the murtlap essence and dittany to the clotted blood.  
>Finally, Remus muttered, "Ferula" and watched as fresh bandages shot out of his wand, wrapping themselves tightly around Harry's wrists.<p>

Two seconds later, however, Harry gave one last shuddering breath, and finally ceased to breathe, lying still as death.  
>Frantically, Remus felt Harry's neck for a pulse. A few moments later, he found one, but it was very weak and fading fast.<p>

Lifting Harry into his arms, Remus raced downstairs.  
>Spotting a dinner plate lying on the floor, Remus muttered "Portus!", tapping the plate with his wand.<br>He pulled Harry's limp body tighter to his chest, wrapping one arm tightly around the boy's waist before placing his other hand on the portkey.  
>The world around Remus dissolved in a whirl of color as the portkey activated, transporting Remus and Harry to the Hospital Wing.<p>


	5. Hospital Wing

Chapter Five: Hospital Wing

As Remus and Harry arrived in the Hospital Wing, Remus frantically screamed for Madam Pomfrey.  
>As he laid Harry down onto the nearest bed, Madam Pomfrey appeared, which was just as well, because Harry's heart had stopped.<br>Forcing Remus out of the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey immediately set to work restarting Harry's heart and getting him to breathe again.

Six hours later, an exhausted Madam Pomfrey came out of the Hosital Wing.  
>Remus, who had spent the last six hours pacing up and down the corridor in a blind panic immediately rushed to her.<br>"How's Harry?", the werewolf demanded wildly. "Is he alive? Can I see him?"

Madam Pomfrey looked at him sympathetically. All I can say is that if you'd gotten Harry here half a second later, he wouldn't have made it.  
>Yes, you can see him and yes, he's alive...for now."<p>

Remus paled. "W-what do you mean, for now?", the werewolf asked hesitantly.  
>Madam Pomfrey sighed, placing a gentle hand on Remus's shoulder.<br>"What I mean is that Harry's in a coma. I'm sorry Remus, but he most likely won't survive the night."

Remus sank to the floor, his head in a fog.  
>"No!", the werewolf choked out. "Harry..."<br>A few minutes later, Remus slowly got to his feet and entered the Hospital Wing, making his way to Harry's curtained-off bed.  
> <p>


	6. Remus and Harry

Chapter Six: Remus and Harry

Conjuring a chair, Remus sat down next to Harry's bed and just stared at the teen.  
>Harry's face was peaceful, as though he were only sleeping instead of in a coma.<br>Grasping Harry's limp hand, Remus lovingly stroked the boy's cold cheek as he broke down in tears.

"Oh Gods, Harry, you can't do this to me, Cub!", the werewolf sobbed, clinging to the teen's cold hand as though it were a lifeline.  
>I've already lost your parents and Sirius. I can't lose you too! Werewolves aren't allowed to be parents, did you know that?<br>That's why I never came to visit you at the Dursleys, because I knew I wouldn't be able to bear not being able to take you home with me.  
>I sent in an adoption aplication every month for the first six years after James and Lily died, and I only stopped there because the Ministry threatened to arrest me for harrasssment if I continued.<br>You're the closest thing I'll ever have to a son and you can't leave me now. It was hard enough for me when your parents died. Your death would kill me.  
>I'm not saying goodbye because I refuse to resign myself to you giving up. You can't give up.<br>When I was teaching you in your third year, you never gave up. Even if it was nearly impossible, you wouldn't give up.  
>You don't give up and I refuse to believe you'd give up now!", Remus said firmly, looking down at Harry's peaceful expression.<br>"You can't give up because even if I could never have you as a son, that's what you'll always be to me.  
>Don't go, Harry. Please live. Come back to me, Cub. I need you. Just please come back. Please Harry, wake up."<br>A few tears dripped down Remus's face as he held Harry's hand to his cheek.

Harry sat on his bed in his room at Number 4 Privet Drive.  
>The wall next to his door had seemed to transform into a rather large mirror.<br>Harry got up and stood in front of it, realizing instantly what it was, the Mirror of Erised.  
>His parents stood there, smiling and waving at him. Harry gazed into the mirror longingly.<br>He sunk to the floor in front of it and watched his parents, wishing he was with them.

Suddenly, Remus appeared on Harry's bed and Harry's heart clenched when he realized that the man was crying.  
>"Remus? What's wrong?", Harry asked, moving over to the bed and sitting down next to his ex-Defense professor.<br>"I won't say goodbye!", Remus choked out tearfully. Harry was a bit confused, but nodded sympathetically, nonetheless.  
>"Are you going to stay with me for awhile?", Harry asked hopefully. Remus looked up at him. "I want what Sirius had," he said longingly.<br>"What's that?", Harry asked, wondering what Sirius had had that Remus would be jealous of.  
>"You," Remus said simply. Harry blinked at him, speechless. Remus buried his head in his hands and started to cry, but even though he was crying into his own hands,<br>Harry looked down in confusion at the teardrops splashing onto his right hand, as if it had been the one that Remus had been crying into.  
> <p>


	7. Three Months Later

Chapter Seven: Three Months Later

It had been three months since Harry's suicide attempt and the comatose teenager had been transferred to St. Mungo's.  
>In all that time, Remus had barely eaten or slept. He had not left Harry's side at all.<br>The werewolf had gotten special permission from the Healer in charge of Harry's care to stay with Harry 24/7.

The teenager's pale skin had developed a ghostly hue, and as Remus stared at Harry, all he could think about was how much he needed the boy.  
>Remus leaned forward, taking Harry's cold hand in his own and just holding it. His lips moved, but no sound came out. His throat had a lump so big that he couldn't speak.<br>Remus started crying.

Oh God, Harry!", Remus sobbed. "Please Cub, wake up. Please live. Come back to me, Harry. Don't go, Cub. Not yet. Stay with me, Harry. Please stay."

Harry sat on his bed, gazing longingly at his parents, when something changed.  
>Sirius had appeared behind Lily and James and was beckoning Harry forward with a smile.<br>Harry stood, his gaze transfixed on the image, and walked toward the mirror.  
>He pressed one hand to the glass to find that it was no longer solid, but a liquid substance.<br>Harry looked back at his bed. The world would be better off without him.  
>He turned back to the mirror and stepped toward it. There was no reason to go back.<p>

Suddenly, there was a long beep from the heart monitor that the Healers had placed on the other side of Harry's bed.  
>Remus looked up in alarm, not knowing what that meant. Several Healers burst into the room, looking frantic.<br>What's happening?", Remus asked urgently. "We're losing him!", one gasped.  
>Ice-cold panic poured over Remus. He grabbed Harry's hand into his own.<p>

"Harry, no!", Remus screamed, tears streaming down his face. "Don't go! You can't leave me, dammit! You can't do this to me!  
>Harry, please! You have to live, Cub! You have to come back!"<p>

Harry whipped around as he heard someone scream behind him.  
>Remus was sitting on Harry's bed, crying.<br>"Harry, no!", the werewolf screamed. "Don't go! Please. You have to come back!  
>"Remus?", Harry asked, scared to see the werewolf so upset. He took a step away from the mirror.<br>"Remus, look!", Harry said, pointing to the mirror. "My parents and Sirius.  
>They want to be with me. They don't mind if I'm around!"<br>"Don't!", Remus said frantically, shaking his head. "Come back!"  
>"Remus, nobody back there wants me!", Harry said sadly. "I don't want to be alone anymore."<p>

"Get him out of here!", one of the Healers ordered. Two healers walked over to Remus.  
>One laid a hand on his shoulder, but Remus shrugged it off violently.<br>The two Healers roughly pulled Remus away from Harry and began dragging him toward the door.

Suddenly, Remus disappeared from Harry's bedroom and Harry let out a sob, hugging himself tightly.  
>He quickly turned back to his parents and Sirius and went toward the mirror.<p>

Remus violently fought back, kicking and screaming.  
>"No!", the werewolf screamed hysterically. "Let go of me! Let me talk to him! He doesn't want to be alone!"<br>Remus didn't know where that last statement came from, but somehow, just knew it was true.

"Wait!", another Healer yelled. "He was doing better and now he's slipping again.  
>Oh shit, get his friend back here, NOW!<br>The Healers immediately let go of Remus, who raced back to Harry's side, grabbing his hand desperately.

"Harry, I need you! I can't do this without you! You're my cub and you can't leave me!  
>Don't you dare leave me, Harry! I can't go through life on my own and you won't have to do it alone, either!<br>You'll never have to feel alone again, even if I have to move into Gryffindor Tower and Privet Drive, and spend every night on the floor next to your bed, okay? You won't be alone anymore, I promise! Harry, please, just come back! Please."

Harry had stepped almost all the way through the mirror when Remus was suddenly screaming behind him again, even more desperately than before.  
>"Harry, I need you!", the werewolf screamed. "I can't do this without you! You're my cub and you can't leave me!" Harry hesitated, unsure.<br>"Don't you dare leave me, Harry!", Remus screamed.  
>"I can't go through life on my own, and you won't have to do it alone, either! You'll never have to feel alone again, even if I have to move into Gryffindor Tower and Privet Drive,<br>and spend every night on the floor next to your bed, okay? You won't be alone anymore, I promise.  
>Harry, please, just come back! Please." Harry looked at Remus. The werewolf's eyes shone with sincerity.<br>Glancing back at the mirror, Harry noticed that its edges were becoming solid and working its way toward the middle. He had to make a choice.  
>Harry took one last look at the mirror and prayed he was making the right choice. Then, he stepped out of the mirror and back into his bedroom.<br>Glancing back, Harry noticed that the mirror had solidified and was now cracked.  
>He couldn't go back through it, at least not now.<p>

"Thank you, Harry!", Remus said sincerely. "Let's go!"  
>Remus started toward the bedroom door.<br>"No, I can't!", Harry said sadly. "I don't wan't to go back out there.  
>Can't you just stay here with me?"<br>Remus sighed. "I can't forever, Harry. Neither can you. But when you come back, I'll be waiting for you."  
>"Are you going to leave me alone again?", Harry asked tearfully.<br>Remus wordlessly sat down on Harry's cot. Harry slowly sat down next to him.  
>The two sat there in silence for a long time, as Harry stared at the broken mirror, wondering if he'd made the right choice.<p>

"He's stabilized!", one of the Healers announced.  
>Everyone breathed a sigh of relief as Remus looked at them hopefully, tears still streaming down his face.<br>"You saved him. He's lucky to have someone like you!", the Healer said with a warm smile.  
>"Is he going to be alright?", Remus asked tearfully.<br>"Well, everything's looking good! We just have to wait until he's ready to come out of his coma."  
>The Healers filed out of the room and Remus just held Harry's hand tightly.<p>


	8. Harry's Choice

Chapter Eight: Harry's Choice

Remus sat in his chair, holding Harry's limp hand and staring down at the teenager's unnaturally pale face.  
>He couldn't believe how close he had come to permanently losing the boy he thought of as his own.<br>True, Harry's biological father was James Potter, but Remus considered the boy to be his cub in all but blood,  
>and as such, couldn't bear the thought of losing him.<p>

As he stared at Harry, Remus vowed never to leave Harry's side until he awoke from his coma,  
>and if the boy should die, to follow him into death.<br>Remus also vowed to never let Harry out of his sight after he awoke.  
>It was safe to assume that Harry was now officially grounded for life.<p>

"Hey, Harry," Remus said quietly.  
>"It's time to come back now.<br>I'm waiting here for you, Cub.  
>Just please hurry.<br>Please wake up, Harry.  
>Please, Cub, come back to me!"<p>

Remus finished talking and clutched Harry's hand even more tightly than before.  
>Every second that Harry remained in his coma, Remus worried more and more that his cub would never wake up.<br>Staring at Harry's limp body lying motionless in the bed...watching his cub's life slip away before his eyes...  
>Remus knew that it was becoming more and more likely with each passing second that Harry would die.<br>And he was terrified.

Looking down at Harry's peaceful face, Remus dissolved into uncontrollable sobs.  
>"Oh God, Harry!", Remus sobbed. "Please, Cub, you can't leave me. Not yet.<br>I need you. You are my cub, my world. And I can't let my world get ripped away again.  
>That heartbreak was bad enough when your parents died and Sirius was taken to Azkaban.<br>I've already lost your parents and Sirius. I won't be able to survive your death, too!  
>I mean it, Harry. I nearly killed myself after your parents died.<br>The only reason I didn't was because you were still alive, somehow, and I didn't want to die without first getting to see you again.  
>If you die, I die with you. So please, Harry, don't die. Come on, Cub, wake up. Come back to me, Harry. Come back."<br>Remus put his head into his hands as he wept bitterly. His cub was dying and he couldn't do anything to prevent it.  
>Finally, exhausted from all his crying, Remus's eyes closed as sleep blanketed his mind.<p>

Harry sat on his bed, wondering why he hadn't chosen his parents and Sirius. Suddenly, Remus appeared, sitting on the floor about three feet away from Harry .  
>"Hey, Harry!", Remus said quietly. "It's time to come back now.<br>I'm waiting here for you, Cub. Just please hurry.  
>Please wake up, Harry. Please, Cub, come back to me!"<p>

With those words, Remus disappeared.  
>Letting out a sob, Harry pulled his knees to his chest and rocked back and forth.<br>Why should he go back? It wasn't like anyone actually wanted him out there.

A while later, Remus reappeared. This time, he was crying.  
>"Oh God, Harry!", Remus sobbed. "Please, Cub, you can't leave me. Not yet.<br>I need you. You are my cub, my world. And I can't let my world get ripped away again.  
>That heartbreak was bad enough when your parents died and Sirius was taken to Azkaban.<br>I've already lost your parents and Sirius. I won't be able to survive your death, too!  
>I mean it, Harry. I nearly killed myself after your parents died.<br>The only reason I didn't was because you were still alive, somehow, and I didn't want to die without first getting to see you again.  
>If you die, I die with you. So please, Harry, don't die. Come on, Cub, wake up. Come back to me, Harry. Come back."<p>

Harry watched as Remus put his head into his hands, weeping bitterly.  
>His mind was whirling.<br>What Remus had said couldn't be true, could it?  
>Remus couldn't love him that much, could he?<br>Oh well. Only one way to find out.

Harry walked over to Remus and placed a hand on the werewolf's shoulder.  
>Remus didn't seem to notice. He just sat there crying with his head in his hands.<br>"Remus, how do I get back to my body?", Harry asked quietly.  
>Remus's head shot up and he stared at Harry, his eyes wide and disbelieving.<br>"What?", Remus croaked, hardly daring to hope.  
>Harry rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I said, how do I get back to my body?".<br>Remus's jaw dropped. "You mean, you're coming back?", the werewolf asked in shock.  
>Harry sighed. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but yes, I'm coming back!"<br>Remus's bottom lip trembled and he rushed at Harry, hugging him tightly.  
>"Oh, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!", the werewolf babbled, nearly crying with happiness.<br>After he managed to come himself down, Remus told Harry that all he had to do was open his bedroom door and walk into the hall.  
>Then, Remus opened the door and disappeared.<p>

Harry bit his lip. He wasn't sure if this would work, but it was better than doing nothing, right?  
>Sighing, Harry opened his bedroom door and hesitated. Was this a trick? If he walked into the hall, right now, would he just stay here at Privet Drive?<br>Taking a deep breath, Harry quickly stepped into the hall before his Gryffindor courage could fail him completely.

Almost instantly, Harry felt a strong pull tugging on him, but strangely, he was not afraid of it.  
>Harry sensed that he could trust whatever was pulling at him so fiercely.<br>Closing his eyes, Harry surrendered to the strange pull and allowed it to take him where it would.


	9. Harry's Awakening

Chapter Nine: Harry's Awakening

Harry let out a faint groan as he slowly came back to consciousness. Merlin, his wrists hurt! What had happened?  
>Suddenly, Harry remembered. He had tried to kill himself.<br>But where was he? Wherever it was, it smelled eerily similar to the Hogwarts infirmary.

Slowly opening his eyes, all Harry could see was white.  
>Feeling around, he located his glasses and slid them on.<br>Looking arround, Harry realized that he was in a hospital room.

Turning his head, Harry was surprised to find Remus sleeping in a chair by his bed, his head resting on his arms, which lay on Harry's bed.  
>The werewolf's face was ashen and tear-streaked. He had a pinched and unhealthy look and his frail, grief-worn body trembled with every breath.<br>The sight of Remus in such a depressing state made Harry sigh sadly and look down, where he saw the werewolf's right hand lying unclenched on the bedsheets, barely an inch away from Harry's own.

Quietly slipping from his bed, careful not to disturb Remus, Harry decided to clean himself up a bit.  
>A comb through his hair and some soap on his face would definitely be a nice relief after having lain in that bed for God only knew how long.<br>Upon walking into the bathroom attached to his room, however, Harry quickly changed his mind.  
>The quick wash he had been planning quickly evolved into a full-fledged shower.<br>"A haircut wouldn't be too bad of an idea, either!", Harry commented, patting down the typically messy mop that passed for his hair as he glanced at his rather unnerving reflection in the mirror.  
>Of course, a do-it-yourself trim was out of the question. Harry would willingly wait.<p>

As he explored the bathroom, Harry found that aside from the self-given haircut, he had everything he needed to make himself look presentable.  
>There were towels and washcloths already prepared in small cupboards near the shower.<br>Soaps and shampoos of various scents adorned the wall furthest Harry, which also served as a shower-based shelf.  
>Individual tubes of toothpaste were hidden in the mirror cabinet, and an assortment of unopened toothbrushes sat in a cup near the sink faucet.<br>Combs could be found in a drawer beneath the sink.  
>They probably wouldn't hold up against the knots in his hair, but Harry was willing to give them a shot.<br>"More than I could have asked for!", Harry whispered quietly to himself, and immediately got to work.

Not much later did Harry emerge from the shower, pleased with the new level of cleanliness he felt he had achieved.  
>As he revelled in the comfort of decent hygiene, Harry began to wonder exactly what had happened while he'd been out.<br>How long had he been out? How long had Remus been sitting there, waiting for him to wake up?

With a frown, Harry dressed quickly and poked his head out the bathroom door.  
>Remus lay there still, the sad shadow of a broken man.<br>The werewolf's position looked almost practiced to Harry, as though Remus had gotten used to sleeping in this position over time.  
>The image was heartbreaking, if not a guilty reminder of all the worry Harry had caused the werewolf since his third year.<p>

He dried his hair with the towel, then combed it through, allowing it to fall into its traditional messy mop.  
>About to dare some hair gel after brushing his teeth, Harry was suddenly cut off guard by a ragged yelp from the other side of the bathroom door.<br>He stopped, making sure he hadn't been hearing things. No, there it was again. What was it?  
>The blood in his body chilled. Remus! But what was wrong?<p>

Harry tore from the bathroom to find Remus standing over Harry's bed, looking, if possible, even more ashen-faced than before.  
>Tears were streaming in torrents down his thin face. His amber eyes were swollen and bloodshot.<br>He looked, Harry hesitated to believe, like death itself.

Remus's eyes fluttered open and he glanced at Harry's bed, as he did every time he woke up.  
>As he looked away, Remus suddenly froze. He took another, closer, look at the bed and jumped up.<br>Harry's bed was empty.

Remus let out a strangled cry, tears streaming down his face.  
>He started sifting through the sheets, refusing to believe it.<br>Harry couldn't have just gotten up and left the room. He was in a bloody coma, for crying out loud!  
>No, the only way that Harry's bed could be empty was if Harry had died.<p>

Refusing to believe that Harry could possibly be dead, Remus continued his search.  
>Moving to the other side of the bed, Remus searched beneath it, then moved his quest to the floor.<br>"No, no, no!", Remus murmured. Over and over, as though in a trance. "No, no!"

Remus was so distraught and wrapped up in his fear that he didn't notice that Harry, the one he was so desperately searching for, was slowly walking toward him.  
>"No!", Remus rasped, now frantic. "Harry, Cub...oh my God! NO!"<br>He tore the pillows from the bed. The sheets and the blankets, everything that could be moved, was moved.  
>At last, Remus gave up, sagging against the bed with his head in his hands.<br>His shoulders heaved with unheard sobs as his matted hair fell in clumps around his face.  
>"Harry, Cub...oh God!" Remus couldn't believe it. How could this be happening? This couldn't be happening. It was impossible. Harry couldn't be dead. He just couldn't be. "God, no! P-please!"<br>He had no reason to live, anymore.

One more step, and Harry was at Remus's side, wondering what on earth he should do for the werewolf.  
>Harry moved to speak, but found that his throat had gone horribly dry.<br>Still, even if it hadn't, Harry was sure that there was little he could have said in such a situation as this.

With his heart trembling as severely as his hands, Harry realized that there was only one option left to him.  
>He reached up and rested one hand on Remus's shoulder.<br>The other pushed aside some tangled hair to reveal the werewolf's tortured face.  
>Here Remus sat, having lost almost everything, and believing that he had now lost his cub,<br>all that was left to him and the only thing that made his life worth living.  
>There were lines of pain etched in the werewolf's face, where no color now existed.<p>

The amber eyes that slowly opened in wonder seemed hollow and sightless This was a man drained of all life, of all purpose, and all will to go on.  
>Here, before Harry, was the embodiment of everything that no one ever wanted to experience. It hurt Harry to see Remus like this.<p>

The lifeless eyes flickered upward and Remus nearly fell of the bed in shock.  
>The color in his face had not returned and his tears had not stopped falling.<br>His eyes gazed at Harry in both wonder and doubt.  
>He seemed to be trying to decipher if the image before him was real, or a cruel joke his mind was playing on him.<p>

Remus was at a loss for words, if there were any that could have even come close to describing what he was feeling at the moment.  
>Harry stood in front of him, looking worried at their current situation.<br>It couldn't be. It simply couldn't be.  
>The werewolf wasn't used to being given a break. Harry was dead. This was a mirage.<br>"Harry?". Remus rasped, his throat as dry as the Sahara desert.  
>The teen nodded. At that moment, everything shattered.<p>

Then, Harry was in Remus's arms. The werewolf hugged him so tightly that Harry almost couldn't breathe, but it was alright.  
>Remus rocked Harry back and forth, his face buried in the boy's messy hair.<br>"Harry, Cub, you're awake, you're alive! You came back to me! It's like a miracle!", the distraught werewolf murmured as he sobbed into Harry's hair.  
>"Gods, Cub, you scared me so badly! Don't ever do that to me again! I don't think I could handle it...", Remus's voice broke as he started sobbing again.<br>"But, I don't understand!", Harry said in confusion. "You said that you hated me and wished that I had died instead of Sirius."  
>Remus let out another sob. "I am so sorry, Harry! I should never have said that! I didn't even mean it! Harry, you are my cub, my world. You don't know how happy I was when I heard that you had survived Voldemort's attack on you and your parents!<br>Merlin, Cub, you are my life! If you had died, I would have died too! I would have killed myself just to be with you!"  
>Harry looked deep into Remus's eyes and nodded. "I know!", the teen murmured softly, his own face damp. "I love you!"<br>For one endless minute, there was no response.  
>Then, Remus responded, his voice filled with emotion at having Harry back.<br>"I love you too, my cub!"  
>And they clung to each other, unashamed.<p>

THE END 


End file.
